The Game Plan

Being that my next birth will be a VBAC, I've needed to make some choices and decisions regarding the personal safety of my child and myself. It has taken much thought and research, but My Beloved and I feel that the best choice is to have a home birth (HBAC). Two years ago, I'd have thought I was crazy for saying so. I thought you'd have to live in the back woods or at least be Amish to make a choice like that. Now I feel much differently about it. When I was in the hospital, attempting to birth BabyGirl, things happened, like I was put in this overflow "closet" - a room they never showed us on the tour - which was in very close proximity to other women and even shared a bathroom with another laboring woman. Each time I yelled through the pain of a contraction, I had tremendous fear of disrupting other women who were trying to labor in peace. I had no support. Well, not exactly... I had one of my best friends with me, and MB, but neither of them had ever been through it before. I really needed someone who could talk me down. As each contraction grew worse, I grew more distraught. In a nutshell, I lost control with no hope of getting it back. Then the interventions. I opted for the epidural. It was my decision because I didn't think I could take anymore. I'll still tell you today that the relief it provided was the best part of my labor. But now I wish I'd gone a different route - again, tying into the support issue, and being more learned about psychological pain control measures rather than chemicals. The pitocin. Now that I fully understand the risks, and how they impact my body and my baby, and now that I have a spine, no one will ever come near me with this chemical again. At the time, I just laid there and accepted it because that's what seemed to happen to everyone else I knew and they all turned out fine. But it had a negative effect on my baby, and if I allow it in my body again could increase the likelihood of Uterine Rupture. Breaking my water. I understand where this is sometimes helpful, but I now believe BG was malpositioned (even slightly) and that is why she would not engage into my pelvis. When they broke my water, they made it very difficult for her to move into proper position if she wasn't there already. Vaginal Exams. I can't tell you how many they gave me, but I can tell you that each and every one of them sent me into a skull-peeling, eye popping contraction that made me want to kick the ones performing it in the teeth. Some research I have done since then tells me that this may have contributed to why I didn't dilate (at least, fast enough for the doctors), because my body needed to protect itself. I labored in fear, and I was prevented from laboring in my body's own time. If I set foot, as a VBAC Lady, into a hospital again, statistics show me it's only going to be worse. I will most likely be treated like a ticking time bomb, and be given even less of an opportunity to birth my child than I was given before. The current state of VBAC in our country is not a good one, with ACOG telling hospitals that it should not perform VBACs if there is no surgical staff available 24 hrs a day because of Uterine Rupture. What about when vaginal births go wrong? What about the fact that the risks of UR in a VBAC are lower than the risks of a Prolapsed Cord in a standard vaginal birth? It's a crock. I have to avoid the whole thing. I'm not subjecting myself to the risks of major abdominal surgery without a DAMN good reason, and planning to have my child in a hospital immediately would open the door to that. So here's the game plan:

• Get pregnant
• Line up a HB MW who's comfortable with HBVBAC (I think I have one, though she's illegal... but if she's willing, then it's fine with me!) and discuss in detail my birth plans
• Line up a new OB who will be supportive of my VBAC and also of my decision to HB. Will most likely be a woman this time
• Come up with a plan in the event I have to have a cesarean (I'll address this in a future post, when I'm ready to put it into writing)
• Gestate in Peace
• Have the best, most optimal birth my body and my baby will allow!