A while ago, my husband had a confession to make to me. His best friend and his wife (also a friend) were expecting their first child, and my husband had been asked not to tell me about it.
The friend told my husband that he didn't want me "pouncing" all over them with pregnancy and birth stuff - that's not exactly how he put it, but that's what I got. Apparently, I'd allegedly "attacked" his sister-in-law at one point (which was more likely due to not having anything else to talk about with anyone), and between that and the fact that I often post newsworthy birth-related items on my Facebook page, they wanted no part of me in their world. I feel very hurt and extremely insulted by this.
I have behaved very well - I saw them for the first time since they got pregnant only a few days ago and barely acknowledged it. I didn't even talk to hubby's best friend the whole night.
So now here she is, a few days past her estimated due date, and I have just read that her induction has been scheduled for three days from today.
I am already filled with "I told you so's" - bitter ones - and I suspect there may be more to come. And I hate that. I hate it because what I know is that being a few days past one's due date isn't enough medical reason to induce. I know that inductions fail about half the time. I know that the practice she sees has a history of putting their needs in front of the women they claim to serve. I have seen them in action firsthand and there are at least a dozen OBGYNs I would recommend before I'd send someone there way.
And now, for the first time since I learned of her pregnancy roughly eight months ago, I actually DO want to pounce on her - make sure she knows what she is getting into. Knows what the risks and benefits are on BOTH sides of the coin. Knows she can delay her induction and give her baby a more fair chance to have the healthiest birth possible.
I wish I'd had someone around who knew what I know now, the first time I was pregnant. Truth is though, I probably wouldn't have taken much in. But I wouldn't have shut the door in her face either.
There is a big part of me that wants to tell them to F*** off. I worry about what will happen to her and I am angry that I am worried. I suppose that is my own arrogance - that drive I have, to save the world. On the one hand, I must respect her journey as her own. After all, she is an intelligent adult woman who is capable of finding her own way. My own journey has been bittersweet, but I would not be leading the life I am leading now if I hadn't fallen and had to pick myself back up. I would not have made the discoveries about myself that I made.
At the same time, I am angry that they know I am a resource, and they are so threatened by me that they stay away. All I am is a resource. I am not holding a knife. No matter what choices they make, I will not make a profit. I have nothing to gain nor lose, so why shut me out?
If things had been normal... if my husband had just said, "Bob and Jane are going to have a baby," I might have said a congratulatory email and mentioned I had a lot of resources available - knowledge of area doulas, providers, childbirth educators, books, info sheets, websites - and if they had any questions, I am no more than a phone call away. I might have asked how they were doing when I saw them the other night. Instead, I am angry.
Labels: babies, cervadil, cesarean, ICAN, induction, International Cesarean Awareness Network, pitocin, Pregnancy
