Met the OB!

Finally, on Monday we met the OB. I brought My Beloved along… he is very supportive of coming to appointments with me and likes to be a part of the whole thing. It was interesting, and we both walked away not knowing what to think of her. She took out my cesarean birth plan that I’d given the NP during my previous visit and said, "So am I to understand that you wish to have a repeat cesarean?" and I said, "Absolutely not, I just wanted to make it clear, the terms by which I will allow a cesarean to occur." We discussed my plan, and she had a few items which she could not fully concede to, but overall it was amicable. Then she decided to tell me all about a woman, not her patient, who wanted a VBAC and birthed the child fine but then ruptured and required a hysterectomy. She was very pointed in telling me this story, and referred to it a few more times before the appointment concluded. I asked her, "What is your level of confidence in VBAC?" and she said, "Well, if this were 15 years ago, we all were insisting upon it. But in this day and age of lawsuits, ‘they’re’ discouraging us". So I then asked, "But take out the legal issues. Do you have confidence in it?" Her answer was, "I’ll support whatever you want to do, and if it turns out we need to give you a hysterectomy afterwards, I’m ok with that." What am I supposed to do with this information? It was almost a back-handed threat... And then, she later balanced the story with another one where her own patient was planning a VBAC, got tired at 8cm and baby wasn't coming down, asked for a c/s, sat up to be prepped for the epidural, baby dropped, Mom dilated and baby was born within an hour. Maybe I should have made it clear that I wasn’t looking for any promises, just her feelings. Still not sure I’m keeping this one. But I am fairly certain that we will be going to use the illegal midwife. Had a very nice conversation with her last week, and I’m going to meet her at my next ICAN meeting. Hopefully, all will go well.

The Results Are In!

I had my first ultrasound today! I realize there is some controversy about the use of u/s and the necessity of it all, but truthfully (and selfishly), I really enjoy it as a luxury. So, I’m willing to do it, but mainly for my own indulgences. I don’t intend on having many more though. Probably just the routine 18 week one. We did get to see Jr. Wiggleworm today – though my baby wasn’t wiggling much at all. However, there was a very obvious heartbeat going pretty well in the baby’s chest and he or she seems to be forming very well. It was so beautiful. I had a few tears. It all of the sudden became so much more real! I think I’ve been slightly in denial about this pregnancy… mainly because my intuition was telling me I was but my home pregnancy tests were telling me I wasn’t. So when that last test came back positive a month ago, it was a little shocking. I’ve been saying all along that I thought I would be due around Halloween. Of course, when I told the OB’s office that, they all gave me the hairy eyeball, as if I don’t know my own body. I always had to "prove it" by telling them about the two previous pregnancy tests. Anyway, the point here is that, guess what? I’m due right around Halloween! Go figure. My "official" due date is October 26th. This is my official decree that only I get to have the final say about what happens to my baby and my body. My opinion and intuition are the only ones that truly matter. Which leads me to the point where I’m pretty sure I’m leaving this practice. They just aren’t very friendly, and I showed up on time and nobody even acknowledged my presence until the US tech came out and called for me. And then we saw the OB in the hallway, and though she did say hi, she either didn’t realize she didn’t know us or didn’t bother to introduce herself. Nice, personal attention :-P

One Foot Out the Door

I had my first "real" appointment with the OB office this past Monday. Overall, I was not impressed. On the plus side, they called me into the office on time, but then I waited nearly half an hour before anyone saw me. I found out I don’t weigh as much as I thought I might, and being that I’m pregnant, I’m not too worried about it anyway. My blood pressure was a perfect 120/80 – something I was concerned about because I had some anxiety about going. There is a tender lump in my armpit but it’s probably a swollen lymph node and nothing serious. These were the positives. However, when I got in the room and was told to undress completely and wear a paper gown with the front open, I really had to kind of psyche myself up for that. I’m not really opposed to preventative medicine, but I just felt this strong sense of… "Why is it supposed to be normal for me to allow you people to see parts of me that I only have willingly let my husband see?" I mean, here are these complete strangers, they’ve barely introduced themselves to me and they want to look at and… infiltrate my sexual being. They don’t even take you out to dinner first. I really felt intruded upon. And moreover, it was probably the most painful internal examination I’ve ever had of that nature. It caused me to spot more than I thought I should, and left me crampy and frightened for my baby for two days. I’m not sure if she was exceptionally rough, or if I was just that tense and untrusting. Maybe all of that. I’m pretty sure my baby’s fine now, but who needs that? I’m a healthy woman. Heavy, probably with high cholesterol, but otherwise have always been in good health. The next time I allow anyone to check my bits and pieces, it will be because I want them to. That was the other thing… I still didn’t get to meet the doctor, and the Nurse Practitioner who did everything really couldn’t have cared less if I had a third leg or a head made of broccoli. I made many attempts to reach out to her and humanize myself to her and yet I’m pretty sure she just wanted to push me through like every other sheep she gets to herd in a day. She had no interest in addressing my concerns. It wasn’t as though she was a cruel, cold person, but she was clearly focused on her specific task and didn’t leave any room for me to question. And when I did, I could tell it threw her off. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday, which I do want so that I have a clearer idea of when this baby might come. After that, I will give them one more chance to impress me, and then if they don’t I’m on to someone else. Still working on getting my homebirth ducks in a row anyway.