No Voice

Since my last post was somewhat abrupt, I figured I could elaborate. My Valentine’s day gift from My Beloved was a pregnancy test. Actually, a three-fir, as I like to call it, but nevertheless… Anyway, after we got home from running some errands on Monday night, I went directly to the potty and did my business. First, as I unwrapped it, I said to myself "This might not come back positive, and that’s OK," took a deep breath and… nothing. I checked back a half-hour later, still nothing. Nothing the next morning either. So, no baby today. Ok, I’m disappointed. But not heartbroken. Since the last test was negative, I knew it might still be, and I think that I prepared myself well enough this time. And I was resolved not to ruin Valentine’s day. MB is still OK. So then it come down to what the heck is my body doing? Perhaps it’s God’s way of saying, "Nope, not time yet" and holding off my personal fertility until it’s right? Maybe my body just takes off January and February? (It did last year…) Maybe I just thought about it so much that my body thinks it is even though it isn’t? I never felt spiritually pregnant with this attempt. Physically, I’ve had many of the same symptoms as I did with BabyGirl, but spiritually I was not moved to believe I was. I’m still not. I’m just confused now. Wondering if there’s some magical way to bring on Aunt Flo so we can start over again next month. Some exercise? Some vitamin? I just want this part done with so I know everything’s all right and I can go from here.