One Foot Out the Door

I had my first "real" appointment with the OB office this past Monday. Overall, I was not impressed. On the plus side, they called me into the office on time, but then I waited nearly half an hour before anyone saw me. I found out I don’t weigh as much as I thought I might, and being that I’m pregnant, I’m not too worried about it anyway. My blood pressure was a perfect 120/80 – something I was concerned about because I had some anxiety about going. There is a tender lump in my armpit but it’s probably a swollen lymph node and nothing serious. These were the positives. However, when I got in the room and was told to undress completely and wear a paper gown with the front open, I really had to kind of psyche myself up for that. I’m not really opposed to preventative medicine, but I just felt this strong sense of… "Why is it supposed to be normal for me to allow you people to see parts of me that I only have willingly let my husband see?" I mean, here are these complete strangers, they’ve barely introduced themselves to me and they want to look at and… infiltrate my sexual being. They don’t even take you out to dinner first. I really felt intruded upon. And moreover, it was probably the most painful internal examination I’ve ever had of that nature. It caused me to spot more than I thought I should, and left me crampy and frightened for my baby for two days. I’m not sure if she was exceptionally rough, or if I was just that tense and untrusting. Maybe all of that. I’m pretty sure my baby’s fine now, but who needs that? I’m a healthy woman. Heavy, probably with high cholesterol, but otherwise have always been in good health. The next time I allow anyone to check my bits and pieces, it will be because I want them to. That was the other thing… I still didn’t get to meet the doctor, and the Nurse Practitioner who did everything really couldn’t have cared less if I had a third leg or a head made of broccoli. I made many attempts to reach out to her and humanize myself to her and yet I’m pretty sure she just wanted to push me through like every other sheep she gets to herd in a day. She had no interest in addressing my concerns. It wasn’t as though she was a cruel, cold person, but she was clearly focused on her specific task and didn’t leave any room for me to question. And when I did, I could tell it threw her off. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday, which I do want so that I have a clearer idea of when this baby might come. After that, I will give them one more chance to impress me, and then if they don’t I’m on to someone else. Still working on getting my homebirth ducks in a row anyway.